Fat is good

Hey, great news about fat!

Those are words you sure don't see together often, but it's true. Right now, at the forefront of medical research, at the crux of cures for diseases like Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, at the healing edge, stands good old fashioned blubber. And if anything can make spare tires desirable, this is going to be it.

According to a recent research study, fat -- yes, that fat, the stuff making your pants tight and your arms floppy -- contains stem cells. Stem cells, those nifty little building blocks that can become any kind of human tissue with the right inspiration, are thought to be the key to cures for a smorgasbord of formerly intractible ailments. It's previously been extracted from bone marrow and, controversially, fetal tissue. But now, it looks like just a little liposuction is all you need.

So right now -- stop exercising! Eat a chocolate bar instead. The research suggests that our own body fat may be a resource for healing our injuries and treating our diseases, and don't you want to make sure you have plenty on hand, and waist, and thigh? How tragic to be so tight and toned you can't take advantage of this precious natural resource.

Just picture it -- picture a world where the overweight aren't viewed as unhealthful, but as potential fat donors. A world where doctors tell you to keep those extra pounds right where they are. A world where liposuction is a public service. A world where ice cream is medicinal.

Tomorrow, a news report will undoubtedly come out that overturns all these fine fantasies, but for today, I can dream. And eat a few extra cookies.