It occurs to me now, at the end of the school year, when it's too late to do anything about it, that the "instructional aide" in my daughter's class -- the one whom I have been assured over and over again works with other students as well as my girl, the one I was assured had the ability to modify assignments, the one I was promised would not be a one-on-one aide -- is ...well, a one-on-one aide. I've been feeling annoyed with her all year for expending so much attention and smothering care on my daughter when she supposedly had other kids to work with; and now it's finally clicked: Her behavior (up to and including asking my daughter if she's going to move up to the middle school with her) makes sense if she's a one-on-one who occasionally helps other kids, as opposed to a classroom aide who helps a bunch. This is so thoroughly exactly what I have been asking and pleading and begging NOT to have that the realization has kind of knocked the wind out of me.
I don't know if people have been willfully lying to me or conveniently misunderstanding me or doing what they think is right in spite of me or just doing what they can with the personnel available, but MAN, I just want to scream. It's not the end of the world, I know -- that would be needing an aide desperately and not being able to get one -- but it's just beyond frustrating to keep feeling like I have all my kids' ducks in a row and then finding that it's the wrong row, and they're really geese.
And here I was feeling all good because I'd had a great meeting with the counselor at the middle school who agreed with everything I said and talked a perfect program for my daughter. You know, I used to think I was in the "say yes to whatever this mom wants, she knows what she's talking about" file; but now I realize it's probably the "say yes to whatever this mom wants, then do whatever you were going to do anyway" one. If I homeschooled my kids, would I have to weasel myself this way?
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