From jawbreaker to budget-buster

Somewhere, P.T. Barnum is laughing: According to an Associated Press report, people are paying as much as $14,000 on eBay for gum prechewed by Britney Spears. It's hard to know what's more disturbing about this: that there are people who would pay good money for something you'd otherwise scrape off your shoe, or that there are people who follow Spears around with little baggies to pluck up the soggy wads. How exactly do you display this, the pride of your collection -- on a lighted shelf? under glass? or perhaps just stuck to your bedpost? Is an autograph just not personal enough anymore? For now, enterprising gum-scoopers are leading the way in these chaw auctions, but I don't know. That Britney's a pretty enterprising gal; how long before she cuts out the middleman and starts chewing gum to order? You could specify flavor or hue, and duration of chew. And if you throw in a little extra, she'll add some belly button lint and a few clipped toenails for good measure. (Although, come to think of it, if your navel's always bared, do you even get belly button lint?)