Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Can You Help? Parent Seeks GED Advice

A member of the Parenting Young Adults with Special Needs in the Work World Facebook group is asking for help with an important pre-work step: getting a high school diploma or equivalent:
I am looking to investigate education options for my son. He dropped out of Grade 10 - it was serious enough that the team meeting members decided they shouldn't push to get him back into the system even though by law he'd needed to be there for another half year. I think we all knew he wouldn't make it if we tried to force that.
There are two options I'm aware of right now - to continue his education, through adult learning or online courses, or to get his G.E.D. No matter what I choose, though, I'm anticipating a few false starts (school REALLY didn't work well for him).
Has anyone else travelled along this route? Is there someone I could talk to who might be able to facilitate our efforts?
Do you have some insight to share? Come join the group to share knowledge on this and other work-related topics, or comment on this post.

Tuesday, July 02, 2019

Adoption and Special Needs on the Parenting Roundabout Podcast

Have you been listening to me blather on the Parenting Roundabout Podcast? I'm having fun every weekday chatting with my cohosts Catherine Holecko and Nicole Eredics on all things parenting and being a parent—subscribe on Apple Podcasts or your podcast app of choice to get every ep—they're usually under 15 minutes, so we won't take up much of your day.

The following recent episodes might be good to start with for readers of this blog, since I specifically talked about adoption or special-needs-related experiences:

Saying Too Much (7/1/19): We talked about those times when you give out information about your kids in conversation that is really nobody's business, just because your brain doesn't through up the stop sign until after your mouth has stopped moving. Been there, cringing at having done that.

Four Things That Define Us (6/26/19): A bag with four things we want people to know? I'd have loved that for IEP meetings.

Roundabout Roundup: (6/21/19): I talked about our experience at the NJ Special Olympics as part of our weekly picks episode.

Ambiguous Kid-Speak (6/19/19): Most kids say "fine" in a way that could mean anything, but when you have a kid with FASD, ambiguous speech jumps to a whole new level.

Roundabout Roundup (6/7/19): My pick for the week is a web series about accessible architecture.

Listen in!

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Let's Talk About Our Kids and Their (Lack of) Jobs on Facebook

Following up on the survey I posted a while back on what parents want to know about helping kids with intellectual and developmental disabilities find jobs, I've taken another step forward with a Facebook group for chatting about that very topic: Parenting Young Adults with Special Needs in the Work World. It's set to private right now, so come knock on the door and tell me who you are and I'll let you in. (Meanwhile, if you never did fill out that survey, you still totally can.)

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Advice for Parents on Jobs for Kids

No, I don’t have that advice right at the moment, sorry. I’m struggling along with getting good employment for my adult kids just like you are. Right now we’re ... sort of fine. They both have jobs they like, though they don’t have full-time work or even as much work as they could handle, if you ask me. The parent part of me is trying to be content with the fact that they’re content and usefully engaged at least half the week or so. The advocate part of me wants to kick down doors and take names like nobody’s business.

Since experience has showed me that the advocate part is not as effective in work situations as it was in school situations (and *%&$*#, maybe it didn’t make as many great moves in school situations as I thought the time, or so I reflect endlessly at night when I can’t sleep but only second-guess), I’m considering channeling some of that righteous energy into a resource to help parents of kids with intellectual and developmental disabilities (or similar issues) who’ve been forced into the role of untrained, unskilled, untalented employment counselors.

To start brainstorming this idea, I’ve put together a little survey on what parents might find useful in such a resource. If you could take a few minutes and fill it out, I’d appreciate it. It’d also be great if you could share it on social media; send people here or directly to the form at https://forms.gle/8WuzPFsEgihn6Xrx6. Thanks for your help?


Monday, May 06, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 9

Every day or so this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Know What You're Doing.

Friday



What's on the Parenting Roundabout Podcast this week.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 8

Every day this week (some days? most days? I'm trying, y'all), I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Have Superpowers

Tuesday



Today's book excerpt is from one of my books, The Everything Parent's Guide to Sensory Processing Disorder

Wednesday



What's worrying you today?

Thursday



This week's website: Inclusion from Square One

Friday



What we're talking about this week on the Parenting Roundabout Podcast

Saturday



Today's tip: Reading is a whatever-works situation.

Monday, April 22, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 7

Most days this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Have a Mission

Tuesday



This week's excerpt is from Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Wednesday



What's your worry today?

Thursday



Today's pick: Wrighslaw.

Monday, April 15, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 6

Every day this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Try Hard.

Wednesday



What are you worried about today?

Thursday



This week's site: Fun and Function

Friday



This week on the Parenting Roundabout Podcast.

Sunday



Happy Easter!

Monday, April 08, 2019

Encouraging Words: Week 5

Every day this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Deserve Respect.

Tuesday



Today's book excerpt is from 50 Ways to Support Your Child's Special Education by ... me!

Wednesday



My worry for the week: patience vs. pro-activeness. What's yours?

Thursday



This week's featured website: The Inspired Treehouse.

Friday



Check out more of my blabbing at the Parenting Roundabout Podcast.

Saturday



Give yourself a time-out.

Sunday



Join me in praying for patience. Right now!

Monday, April 01, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 4

Every day this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Make a Difference.

Tuesday



Today's book excerpt is from Steps to Independence: Teaching Everyday Skills to Children with Special Needs by Bruce L. Baker and Alan J. Brightman.

Wednesday



I'm worrying about pushing too hard this week. And also, not pushing hard enough.

Thursday



Today's featured site: The Center for Parent Information and Resources.

Friday



What's on Parenting Roundabout this week.

Saturday



Using your kids' TV watching for good.

Sunday



Today, I'm prayer for perspective. Something I could use a little more of right now.

Monday, March 25, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 3

Every day this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Are a Good Parent

Tuesday



Tuesday is book-excerpt day, and today's is from Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Wednesday



Wednesday is Worry Dump day. What's eating you?

Thursday



This week's website recommendation: Special Needs Book Review.

Friday



On Fridays, I talk about another place I talk: Parenting Roundabout.

Saturday



On Saturdays, I offer a quick tip for more efficient worrying. Mentioned: Trello.

Sunday



On Sundays, I offer a quick prayer for our week ahead.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 2

Every day this week, I'll be sharing a few encouraging words for parents of kids with special needs on SoundCloud and Riffr. I'll collect them here in this post for easier listening, and you can also find them on the bottom of my homepage at terrimauro.com.

Monday



Today's Love Note: You Are an Expert

Tuesday



Today's book excerpt is from Transforming the Difficult Child. (I read from this version, but there's a new edition that looks cheaper and more available.)

Wednesday



Wednesday is Worry Dump day. Come tell me your troubles, kind of.

Thursday



Today's website pick: my very own Mothers with Attitude.

Friday



You made it to Friday! Take a break and listen to the Parenting Roundabout episodes I'm talking about here.

Saturday



A little parenting tip for your weekend. (Mentioned: The Child with Special Needs by Dr. Stanley Greenspan)

Sunday



Join me in a prayer for the week ahead.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Encouraging Words, Week 1

As mentioned in the previous post, I'm going to be experimenting with recording little audio words of encouragement for parents of kids with special needs every morning. They'll be available on riffr.com, a new audio platform, but since they don't seem to be 100% ready for prime time yet, I'm also going to be sharing these on SoundCloud (from Tuesday of this week until further notice). Every week, I'll start and update a post with that week's audio.

Week of March 11, 2019

Monday: "You Are Strong" from my Love Note for Special Parents. Listen on riffr.com.

Tuesday: Quote from The Challenging Child by Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., one of my absolute go-to parenting books back in the day.



Wednesday: Wednesday is Worry Day.



Thursday: Website recommendation. This week's pick is The Inclusive Class.



Friday: This week on Parenting Roundabout



Saturday: Quick parenting tip



Sunday: Prayer for the coming week


Monday, March 11, 2019

Words of Encouragement on Riffr

I'm trying out something new—leaving some words of encouragement every morning on a short-audio social-media platform called Riffr. You can check out my page at https://riffr.com/profiles/Terri-Mauro-430. Right now, here's what I'm planning to offer each day:
  • Monday: One of my Love Note for Special Parents (listen to the one I put up today).
  • Tuesday: A short excerpt from a book I've found valuable
  • Wednesday: What I'm worrying about this week, with space for you to share your worries
  • Thursday: A website or web article recommendation.
  • Friday: A quote from this week's Parenting Roundabout episodes.
  • Saturday: A quick parenting tip.
  • Sunday: A prayer, for those who value that, in whatever way you want to join in.
All this is heavily subject to change, but it's my initial road map. Listen and tell me what you think (and what you'd like to hear).

Sunday, October 21, 2018

My Weekend at the Gluten-Free Allergy-Friendly Expo, in Tweets

I attended the GFAF Expo in Secaucus, NJ, a couple of weekends ago and tweeted about all the yummy things I sampled. You can follow along here, and I've added the websites so you can visit the companies that way instead of stopping by their booths.



Find It Online: greenchef.com/menus/glutenfree (Green Chef was recently acquired by Hello Fresh.)

Find It Online: www.mikeysmuffins.com

Find It Online: glutenberg.ca/en

Find It Online: bienasnacks.com

Find It Online: munkpack.com

Find It Online: perfectionsnacks.com

Find It Online: jovialfoods.com

Find It Online: glendaskitchen.co

Find It Online: www.naturalvert.com

Find It Online: www.pure-batch.com

Find It Online: www.miltonscraftbakers.com

Find It Online: farmwisefoods.com

Find It Online: celiaccutie.com/shop


Find It Online: enjoylifefoods.com

Find It Online: www.schaer.com/en-us/fw/snacks

Find It Online: www.biokplus.com/en_us

Find It Online: deliciousness.com


Find It Online: goodmanglutenfree.com

Find It Online: www.cookedperfect.com and organiclifestylefoods.com

Find It Online: www.kingarthurflour.com/essentials/gluten-free



Find It Online: www.aleias.com

Find It Online: www.geefree.com

Find It Online: zegofoods.com

Find It Online: www.makegoodfood.ca/en/home

Find It Online: salsaxochitl.com/chips-salsa/

Find It Online: www.honeystinger.com

Find It Online: www.undercoverchocolate.com/products/

Find It Online: q2healthysquares.com

Find It Online: www.nairns-oatcakes.com

Find It Online: 88acres.com

Monday, September 24, 2018

What "Dancing with the Stars" Can Teach Us About Inclusion

A new season of Dancing with the Stars starts tonight, and as has become the norm for this particular reality show, the cast includes a contestant with a disability. Paralympian Danelle Umstead, a visually impaired Alpine skier, will follow in the footsteps of dancing stars like Amy Purdy, Noah Galloway, and Nyle DiMarco. Looking forward to watching Danelle perform reminded me of a long-ago article I wrote in my About.com days about Dancing with the Stars and inclusion. Originally published in 2015, it's long gone from my old site, but I dredged it up from the Wayback Machine for your overthinking enjoyment.

* * *

[​Warning: What follows qualifies heavily as "thinking too much about reality television." I do indeed see everything through special-needs lenses. Read at your own eye-rolling risk.]

Visualizing what inclusion might look like in a classroom is often hard for parents and educators. How can students with a wide range of abilities be meaningfully exposed to the same material? How is it possible to grant equal access in a way that's fair to everybody? How can progress be evaluated when learning is happening on many levels? Won't the lower-functioning get left behind? Won't the higher-functioning get bored?

You may not have a school to visit in your community where inclusion is working gloriously to watch and learn and get an idea how one might go about this. But twice a year, there's an example on broadcast TV that can provide some inspiration and insight, if you're willing to accept that those things can come from unexpected places. Want to see inclusion and differentiated instruction in action? Tune into a little show called ​Dancing With the Stars.

The sequin-heavy ABC dance competition pairs "stars" (that term is used with extreme looseness) with professional dancers, with the premise that "celebrities" (also loosely used) with no professional dance experience will learn how to dance over the weeks of competition. Turns out "no experience" is used pretty loosely too, because Olympic figure skaters and ice dancers and gymnasts along with musicians and Disney Channel stars have all come onboard with a high degree of dance training and ability.

These gifted contestants share the floor with contestants with less training but some natural talent, and contestants with more heart and humor than hoofing ability, and contestants whose age and physical condition limit the complexity of their routines, and contestants with disabilities that require special accommodations (of whom two, Season 18 runner-up Amy Purdy and Season 20 third-place finisher Noah Galloway, made it to the finals [and after this was written, Nyle DiMarco won season 22]). That's a pretty good model for an inclusion classroom.

It's also a useful framework for looking at questions of fairness and equality. If you think of the show only as a contest, it may seem unfair to ask people of modest ability to compete against near-professionals, or to penalize talented dancers for imperfect execution of things that their less-talented opponents couldn't even begin to attempt. These cries go up regularly from fans of various competitors on social media. For the purposes of inclusion — and this show, apparently — “fair” means giving everybody an opportunity to participate regardless of perceived ability and making sure each participant has what he or she needs to be successful. What learners do with that opportunity and those tools is what makes both an inclusion class and Dancing With the Stars an exciting and compelling experience.

Though the competition provides the structure for the show, Dancing With the Stars is at least as much about the process of learning and the joy of demonstrating new skills. Viewed in those terms, it's hard to imagine that a homogenous and superficially "equal" group of dancers would be nearly as interesting or effective. There's something about seeing amazing dancers negotiate complex routines, novice dancers delight in their own improvement over the course of the season, and challenged dancers find creative ways to show what they can do that would be lost if all contestants were at exactly the same level. If nothing else, diversity keeps things lively. And there's always a degree to which the contestants are inspired and emboldened by the differing gifts of their fellow dancers.

A concept we hear a lot about in inclusion conversations is differentiated instruction, and it can be hard to figure out what that means. How can a classroom of kids with all different levels of learning and ability be taught the same things? Consider the way Dancing With the Stars teaches participants with all different levels of ability. Everybody has to perform, say, the cha-cha-cha, but someone with dance experience and a flair for movement is going to learn it at a much different level than someone just starting to dance or someone with physical challenges or someone who struggles with rhythm. It's the job of the professional in each duo to choreograph the particular style of dance in a way that makes the most of the celebrity partner's ability and the least of his or her weaknesses.

Can the same be done for academic subjects? While children in an inclusion class may not each have their own personal educational choreographer, some of them will certainly have Individualized Educational Programs (IEPs). Those documents should also recognize and plan for strengths as well as weaknesses, and that same sort of individualized thinking can benefit all the students in a class who are individuals (which is to say, all the students in a class).

The challenge, both in a classroom and under the mirror ball, is to develop ways to measure every individual's progress, and offer meaningful praise and constructive criticism that points the way toward improvement. In this regard, Dancing with the Stars is perhaps a model of the problems that come with failure to do this. The judges' scores often seem arbitrary or confusing, and their comments tend too much toward gushing praise and declarations of how inspirational struggling contestants are. Reminds me of the years when my daughter's teacher assured me "She's flying!" but come IEP time could not quantify any improvement toward goals.

The show, like an inclusion class, would be much improved if the expectations for each participant were determined and communicated thoughtfully and clearly. Outcomes need to be well-defined and well-understood by everybody, in a way that challenges each dancer to stretch and grow and have that work recognized. We often see on the show that a talented dancer who just seems to be going through the motions is much less satisfying to watch and cheer than a challenged dancer giving 110 percent and loving it. Regardless of who actually receives the mirror-ball trophy, anyone who puts in the effort and participates to the fullest is a winner.

The wild card in Dancing with the Stars scoring is the home audience. Fans get to vote for their favorites by phone, text, or computer, and the most popular and well-known celebrities or pros can get a boost regardless of what happens on the dance floor. Success in this area can compensate for low scores from the judges, and that's a combination that got Noah Galloway into the Season 20 finales. The army veteran who lost an arm and leg in Iraq had a huge fan base of both military families and those inspired by his hard work and strength.

To get that sort of support from the school community for your child, you'll want to get out there and do some promotion. Join the PTA, volunteer for committees, and create positive relationships with teachers and therapists and IEP team members who can be your child's fan club. Preparing your little dancer is important, but if even you aren't voting to the maximum allowed, that prize will remain out of reach.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Hire Our Kids, But Really HIRE Them

I've been writing now and then about problems my kids have had getting jobs, and right at the moment, we're in a good place. They're still only working part-time, but they're working, and I'm grateful to their employers for apparently, at least at the moment, giving them a chance to learn and figure things out and take direction and keep working.

That shouldn't be a lot to expect, but we've also had an additional experience with what I'm calling "Bad Faith Disability Hiring," in which a job is briefly given and then snatched back when the employer realizes, apparently, that the good feeling you get from giving a kid with a disability a chance does not come with a magic wand that makes your new employee immediately 100 percent able to do whatever you want without any thought or planning or patience on your end.

I'm talking about situations where the employer in question knew the new hire had a disability, went through all the hiring paperwork and information gathering and payroll, and then after one or two or three days, turned around and said, "You're not what we're looking for." Or, "This job is not for you." Or, "We hired too many people. We'll call you when we need you." Not.

I'd believe that I was just over-believing in my kids and they're simply not capable, and yet ... there are employers who have made it work. There are people who tell me my kids are good workers. And I don't see how hiring someone and immediately taking the job away or failing to develop an employee in the hope that they'll get the hint and go away or feeling so bad about correcting someone's mistakes that you'd rather just quietly make a list and then use it to fire them is any kind of effective management conduct.

I want so strongly to advocate for hiring kids with disabilities, giving them a chance, and taking a chance on them. I believe there's a whole potential workforce of young people who only need a little time and patience and planning for success to be loyal long-time employees. But for goodness sake, employers, if you don't mean it, don't do it. Not getting a job is painful, but getting one and losing it through no fault of your own is worse.

Tuesday, September 04, 2018

For That Back-to-School File You're Starting

Ah, back-to-school. For some parents, it's just a matter of filling out a pile of forms and fighting for the last folder at Staples. For parents of kids with special needs, there's the additional task of gathering together handouts and books to pass to teachers to explain your kid and just exactly what kind of teaching and paraprofessional-ing that will be required. If you're in that pre-distribution gathering phase right now, here are a few more things to look at, get ideas from, and share:

  1. The school section of the Parents Portfolio on my Mothers with Attitude site, where I've gathered things I distributed myself in my kids’ school days along with others I saw, admired, and asked to post.
  2. An article I wrote for Friendship Circle on preparing a teacher information packet
  3. The new book by my friend and co-podcaster Nicole Eredics, Inclusion in Action, to give your school a clue on how inclusion should be done.
  4. The older book by me on school advocacy, 50 Ways to Support Your Child's Special Education.
  5. The back-to-school checklist I wrote for this blog a couple of years ago, which is partially serious, partially funny, and partially sad, really.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Love Notes for Special Parents, Again

Did a spruce-up recently of my inspirational message series for parents of kids with special needs. Visit the gallery on my Facebook page to see all 28 of them, download the ones that inspire you, and share them with fellow parents who could use a lift.


Monday, August 20, 2018

The Stages of Grief After Someone Rejects Your Child or Young Adult with Special Needs

  1. Anger at the rejecting party.
  2. Anger at yourself for having put your child in a position to be rejected.
  3. Anger at every naysaying professional who ever put limits on your kid for forcing you to be constantly challenging that child to prove them wrong
  4. Anger at all the voices in your head of people who thought this wasn't going to work out well and what could you possibly have been thinking.
  5. Anger at yourself because obviously those voices were right, and what were you thinking.
  6. Anger at everyone and everything and the whole awful mean mean world.
  7. Acceptance that people just suck.
  8. Planning for the next thing that will absolutely find your child included and will show everyone how wrong they were. What were they thinking?